RESIST NOT EVIL: HOW TO DEAL WITH TRIGGERS IN A CLOSE RELATIONSHIP

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We all bring our unconscious fears to all our relationships. These fears can lie dormant for a long time until something happens that triggers them and evokes a very strong emotional reaction. This is our conscious mind’s way of protecting itself from the contents of the unconscious mind.

When we get into a close relationship, the possibility of getting triggered by our partner’s behaviour or attitudes increases sharply. This is because we act in ways so as to protect our deep wounds and in the process, we unconsciously trigger our partner.

You will find that there are some topics or issues which bring pain and suffering to one partner and so they are better avoided. It may be anything from how to parent kids on particular aspects, finances, religion, politics etc. It may happen that we share very different views about some subjects with my beloved.

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For instance, I Am very liberal and open-minded when it comes to issues to do with religion, sex and the place of material possessions in life. My open-mindedness is often interpreted as licentiousness and this affects the quality of the relationship. For instance, if my kid asks me about God, I advise them to just live a natural life and when the time comes, they will seek and they will find out for themselves the truth about God. I don’t tell them what the Bible or any other book says. This is taken as misleading kids and making them atheists.

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So what to do? The solution lies in working on yourself so as to rise beyond your own triggers. From this elevated consciousness, you can allow the other’s perspective without it affecting you personally and therefore your relationship.

One of you must be able to accommodate the other’s perspective on the trigger points without losing their sense of self. This must be the more self-assured or spiritually more mature person.

When you overcome your own triggers, you become a more amiable and easy partner.

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