By Steve Mutua
It is one of our deepest human needs to be understood and accepted for whom we are. Thats actually what we call love. As a matter of fact, there is no love without understanding. Understanding comes first, otherwise your loving actions will be interpreted wrongly and you shall most possibly be hurt because you will take that as rejection.
Understanding another means you see the world through their eyes. We all live in very different worlds and to love somebody means to live in their world. This can be easy when dealing with children and younger people but as people age and get established in their peculiar worlds, it calls for alot of work.
Something important to understand is your beloved’s world view or perspective on different aspects of life. This is created by their beliefs and they are the filters or lens through which they see the world. If you dont understand their beliefs and start imposing your beliefs on them, you will meet resistance and rejection.
Beliefs are tough to change and they can be changed only by replacing them with new ones. We can only help others change by helping them form new beliefs and not by challenging their current beliefs directly. A denial of somebody’s belief system is taken as rejecting them. Be careful.
We can only love and accept others as they are if we love and accept ourselves as we are. That way, no one feels the need to change the other. With that acceptance, love fluorishes. So the first duty for anyone is to understand and love themselves before they attempt to love another. Unless this happens, love is not possible.
Invest in understanding the psychological filters or belief systems through which the other sees the world. Thats all whats meant by understanding and that opens the path for love and trust. Be patient, beliefs take time to get established and so they will take time to be replaced.